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People have been telling me that cum gets rid of zits since I was sixteen years old. The verdict was that swallowing it was pretty good but nothing got rid of zits like getting it on your face. After years of standing by said rules I have decided to rent a tractor trailer and call a big, gigantic, heaping, six-thousand-million ton pile of bullshit on that school of thought. At the end of every week they would take a Polaroid of the progress and summarize the differences between both cheeks.

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One of the many joys of semen hi, mom is that it can go in you, on you, around you, on that old Che Guevara poster your old roommate left in your living room that you've been too lazy to take down — anywhere!

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